Chimps, they're our closest relatives and one's been president of the free world for the last 8 years, like Planet Of The Apes was a documentary or something. And now here's one riding a segway, and even though he could do with some practice, it can ride it better than Bush could, but that's no real surprise is it.

Watching that little chimp motor his way about got me thinking; they should race these chimps on those segways, like a simian version of Wacky Races, they could supe them up, pimp them out, whatever. Surely that's an entire semester's worth of Japanese game shows right there, and then some, knowing those Japanese. They could bring in some other primates, like gorillas, that'd be interesting, could have the Great Ape Segway Olympics with humans, chimps, gorillas and orangutans all fighting it out to be crowned the greatest of the great apes.

Somebody get Fox News on the phone, I've got an idea for them, they could run it as cutting edge investigative journalism...!

Lasers, as a sci-fi staple they're up there with aliens, eternal night, robots sent from the future and Lance Henriksen, so it's good news to sci-fi fans to hear that a laser weapon is ever nearer. Hoorah! More weapons to eradicate our fellow man, just what we need in this current climate of fear, blame-mongering, hatred and contempt!

While lasers are something straight out of popular sci-fi, I think the world is edging ever closer to a sci-fi akin to that of Philip K Dick. If there's ever been a paranoid drug fiend, he's your man. He deals with the blurring line between the real and imagined, constantly confusing the reader with multiple realities, dead-ends that look like answers, cruel jokes, non-linear timelines and highly elusive conclusions. His characters are swathed in an eerie despondency, a hopelessness, a restless unease, a feeling of being trapped eternally in a mirror house of confusion and falsehood. That, I think, is closer to the realities we face each day.

But anyway, don't let that grind you down, lasers are cool! Imagine a laser this powerful in one of those laser toys for cats. Here kitty, kitty, here kit- ZIMP! MEOW!! Where'd kitty go? And where'd all this fur come from?