Everyone's favourite crime fighting, orphaned weirdo is in for some trouble. Looks like Bob Kane's name for his seminal cultural icon wasn't so original after all, or so some bozos claim...

Whatever next? Mother Nature's going to sue Stan Lee and Steve Ditko for copyright infringement and getting the colours all wrong, you fools, when creating Spider-Man (ever seen a red and blue spider?). Is the body of an old ship or some 'unwieldy mass' going to sue Marvel for stealing the name Hulk?

Will the gravestone of influential comic-book legend Jack Kirby get desecrated by some ageing grey-haired beach bum, for stealing his moniker of Silver Surfer? Is a bolt of lightning going to strike down DC comics HQ for stealing the name Flash? Huh? Is it? Is that what you want! Jeez, I can feel my very DNA beginning to unravel in maddening fury.

It's just plain ridiculousness, although it is quite fun to think of various superheroes and then think up what sort of thing could sue them for stealing its name. Fun for about 30 seconds anyway.

So go on give it a try and send them to giveahoot@hotmail.com, the best ones'll get sued for stealing my idea.

If you're worried about the world's economy, losing your job, or that we're on the brink of some Earth destroying environmental catastrophe, then fear not, you're worrying for nothing. Just chill out, have a drink and kick back.

According to this useful website the current status of Spaceship Earth is that it's been destroyed, so effectively that makes us all dead (?). So it's too late to worry and too late to save anything, even your cherished 80s original vinyl Rick Astley 7" singles collection you spent months trawling for on eBay - unlike his song you're going to have to give that up.

But if we're all dead, are we in heaven or hell? The best way to tell is to wait for the outcome of the presidential elections. If court jester McCain gets in then we're definitely in hell, so far in to its darkest bowels we'll be able, if we squint hard, to see a small star-shaped opening...if it's pie-loving Obama then perhaps we're just in the dullard land of purgatory, numbly waiting for another witless dweeb to shepherd us towards yet more disaster...

Either way, we're all doomed! Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha